dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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