Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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