so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
