His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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