Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize