he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
