Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
