Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
