how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
