I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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