As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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