He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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