That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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