We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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