we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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