Having a random hookup so left but love u
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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