I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
