She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
