Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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