things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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