i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
