I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
