Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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