Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
