it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got inside last night via doggy door
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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