is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
