Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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