you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
