he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
