i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am one with the molecules
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
