my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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