Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
