hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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