i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
