We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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