We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
