Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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