He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
