Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
