At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
