Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
