I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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