I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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