You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
