i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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