i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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