So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
