Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
