Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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