I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
