I'm laying in your front yard are you home
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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