you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
