I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
