Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
