just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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