I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
