At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
