final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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