he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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