Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
