I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
